I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
