There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
