i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
