You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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