Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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