I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
