$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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