The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
