dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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