there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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