I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
