it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize