i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
