Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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