call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
