Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
