I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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