the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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