this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
