She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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