I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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