Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
