I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
