I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
