Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
