i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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