Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
