worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
