If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
