Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
