would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
