i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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