My friends, they love my intelligence
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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