Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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