I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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