i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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