you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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