How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want a musical about memes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
