Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
