It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
