Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
