And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
