need another drink. this is the easiest way
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
