Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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