after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
