Got a toothbrush?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
