Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize