I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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