i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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