I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
