i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
