I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
