If that was your dad, he is hot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
