apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
