I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
