You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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