I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
