dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
