I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
