piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
