And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
