you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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