mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
this is an emotional support booty call
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