she woke up with a sticky ear
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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