At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
