she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
