I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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