just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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