Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
